Humorous Quotes that will make you smile

We all know how great it is when we are really happy.  Sometimes you only have to see a smiling face to make you feel happy or better in yourself.  So below we have some humorous quotes we hope you will find amusing and put a smile on your face instantly.

It is said that it takes more muscles to smile than frown.  That might be true, but the effect of a smile is usually positive and some of the best humorous quotes can make you see the best even in bad situations.

Many people underestimate the power of a smile.  Of course there are times when we feel sad or down.  But do you smile when you are happy or is it possible that smiling can make you feel happy?  The answer is both!
great humorous quotes to make you smileOf course we smile when we are happy.  However research carried out shows that people who smile – even if they were not initially happy, do in fact become happier.

Yes it’s easy to smile and laugh when things are going well, but it is just as important to smile when things are wrong or not going so well.  Sometimes all we need are a few words to bring about a genuine smile.

Add our humorous quotes page to your favourites bar.  If you want to put a smile on your face, read one of the funny quotes and you won’t have to force yourself to smile.

Just consider this: Smiling makes you happy, which in turn makes you feel more confident.  Projecting confidence makes others more confident about or in YOU and before you know it you behave in a confident manner to match your beliefs and mood.  So have a laugh on us.

Humorous Quotes about Success

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.
J.Paul Getty

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
Matt Groening

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
Gertrude Stein

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person’s yard.
Demetri Martin

Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Robert Frost

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope

Humorous Quotes about Failure

A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.
Dennis Waitley

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W.C. Fields

Trying is the first step toward failure.
Homer Simpson

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.
Peter Cook

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Will Rogers

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W.C. Fields

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Author Unknown

Humorous Quotes about Attitude

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.
Oscar Levant

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
Tom Lehrer

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
Ashleigh Brilliant

We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know.
W. H. Auden

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
Michael Scott, The Office

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Oscar Levant

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Author Unknown

funny quotes about attitude

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Author Unknown

You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys.
Joel Osteen

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.
Rich Hall

When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’
Sydney J. Harris

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
Ronald Reagan

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Don Marquis

My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.
Jean Rostand

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Abraham Lincoln

“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Waterson

humorous quotes about attitude

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Robert Bloch

It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!
Steven Weinberg

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Author Unknown

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Author Unknown

Humorous Quotes about the Future

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M Schulz

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Dale Carnegie

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.
Elon Musk

Humorous Quotes about Ageing

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

humourous quotes about ageing

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
Norm Crosby

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns

Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben

Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.
Joan Collins

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
George Burns

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Humorous Quotes about Children / Growing up

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
Sam Levenson

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
Jon Stewart

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Bryan White

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller

Humorous Quotes about Drinking

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.
Jim Harrison

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas

funny quotes about drinking

I drink to make other people more interesting.
Ernest Hemingway

Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman… or a bad woman.
George Burns

I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Dorothy Parker

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth

funny quotes about drinking

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin

Humorous Quotes about Education / Learning

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Derek Bok

Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.
Mark Twain

Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.
Daniel J. Boorstin

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.
Al McGuire

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Miles Kington

Humorous Quotes about Marriage / Relationships

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else. Mae West
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
Mae West

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife)… but still my own.
Si Robertson

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

humorous quotes about marriage

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
H.L. Mencken

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein

At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
Ann Landers

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
Author Unknown

Humorous Quotes about Religion

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
Billy Sunday

When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.
Jane Wagner

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Dorothy Parker

General humorous quotes, funny quotes, sayings and one liners

And on the eighth day God said, “Okay, Murphy, you’re in charge!”
Author Unknown

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”
Milton Berle

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Dennis Wholey

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.
Zach Galifianakis

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
Billy Connolly

quotes about money

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
Kin Hubbard

A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Charlie Chaplin

Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
Douglas Adams

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Dave Barry

If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
Dave Allen

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.
Benjamin Franklin

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A. A. Milne

Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.
Ellen DeGeneres

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
Caroline Rhea

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Charles Lamb

A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
Sir Alec Issigonis

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Author Unconfirmed

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Author Unconfirmed

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Alan Dundes

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Author Unconfirmed

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Author Unknown

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
Author Unknown

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Author Unknown

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.
Ozzy Ozbourne

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
Marty Allen

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
Bill Vaughan

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
Harry Hill

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Al McGuire

He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
Author Unconfirmed

humorous qutoes

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
Charles Schulz

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
Walter Mathau

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
Author Unconfirmed

We hope that you find these humorous quotes amusing, funny and informative.  One of the hardest things to do is to confirm who some quotes should be credited to.

If you can confirm the origin of any quotes, have a favourite quote, know any funny quotes, personal development quotes or self improvement quotes that you think we should add, please tell us on the comment form below and we will be happy to include them.